Dear Planningtolive ~ the above responders are so eloquent and wise that I can find nothing to add except my sorrow for your loss and for the mixed emotions that you feel at this time. I understand your love for the child that was your brother. You say that he grew up to be a not-so-wonderful adult, but I gather that his misbehavior was toward your niece, who is reluctant to share the details with you, even now. Perhaps you never experienced his adult behaviors. You could simply think of him as he was to you and mourn his passing as you would one who was a good person as you knew him. I, too, have sincere respect and sorrow for you at this time. billieJ