I reached out to T today, saying that I've been having a very rough few days with multiple meltdowns, feelings of despair and hopelessness, and resisting strong unhealthy urges...and have been considering the idea of going on temporary disability. I asked how he would suggest me going about doing that.

Instead, he said he wanted to see me today. *sigh*

I don't know that I want to see him when I'm feeling like this, but I know that, of course, it's when I'm feeling this way that I need to see him the most. I hate feeling pathetic, weepy and vulnerable.

I woke up with a lot of anxiety this morning....listening to the loud music and crying on the way in to work. Fighting off the urge to cry while at work....and just not functional.

I've already taken the meds....hoping it would help....so far, not working out.

I don't want anyone at work talking to me....I just want to be invisible.