Quote:
Originally Posted by polarsmom
Right now I am working on creating a bond with my T. And I am scared about doing so because once I feel that bond, once I feel that emotional connection with him I will feel dependant on him. In a way I am afraid of that happening. I don't want to be 'rejected' either. Who wants their feelings hurt? But I'd rather be rejected now. I'd rather be pushed away before I become emotionally involved. Because after that, to me, if you remove yourself from my life then I feel abandoned. Again.
Not that I am completely alone. It's not like I put all my emotions or needs onto one person. It's just feeling that missing piece. That void. And it's something I truely struggle with. Having this happen and then leaving me to wonder why? what did I do wrong?
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I can really relate to this!
I have talked a lot with my T about why I sometimes hold back. In one very interesting session, I told T that I was afraid to completely let go because I had this crazy fear of T leaving me, of losing T forever. We talked and talked and talked about it, and the fear slowly went away, so that I was able to open up more. T has learned that I need reassurance, so she has been telling me how she will be there for me, and it has really helped me to feel safe with T and open up more.
I think it's a great discussion to have with your T! I never thought I had a fear of abandonment until that fear came up, that if T saw my true colors, she would leave me.