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Elysium · Oct 19, 2009, 05:49 PM

For those of you that aren't aware/don't remember....about a month and a half ago I terminated with my long term T of five years and started with a new T that specializes in DID. The transition has be going well....but it has been difficult as I truly miss the relationship I did have with old T.

She was a mother-type figure, a mentor for me, and even though the work was tough emotionally, I looked forward to being able to work with her for that one hour each week.

As any relationship has...we had our moments of trials and tribulations. There were times when T had to put her foot down and practice a sort of tough love to get me to where she knew I needed to be.

We didn't discuss her life much. I knew that she had a daughter, and I thought that she was a Single mother. We had talked about certain things she like to do on her vacations...she seemed to be quite interested in rock climbing and skiing, and she also loves Yoga.

Now...after a couple months with new T, we have finally begun to broach the deeper issues that I had with old T. What I came to realize in last session was that old T, although she cared about me, was not able to set good boundaries for herself....and should have referred me on to a more experienced T sooner rather than later. She challenged her own limits as a T....and instead of making the decision to pass me over to someone who was better able to treat me...she kept me on as her patient...and struggled to keep everything together.

I found out from new T, that old T didn't feel that she was capable of treating me for a long time...but that she couldn't let me go....for her own reasons. I knew there was a reason a couple years ago that I began to feel our therapy had become stagnant and that it wasn't progressing...but I couldn't put my finger on it.

My therapy experience began back in 2005 when I was referred to a P-doc to help me prepare for weight loss surgery. The P-doc that evaluated me for the procedure noted my history of trauma and referred me for assistance with coping with the life changes and working on some past issues. This P-doc I was referred to, without seeing me, referred me on to old T, a LCSW. That's where old T's and my therapeutic relationship began.

After talking with new T in last session...not only did I find out that old T WAS married....but that her husband was the p-doc that referred me to her?

Sorry this might be confusing....but for some reason...I feel quite betrayed by old T all of the sudden. Why would she never tell me that her husband was the doc that referred me. Why would she hold me back in therapy for her own issues.

There were a couple times when she threatened termination. The first was when she thought I needed to have a course of DBT. She stated that if I didn't get into a DBT program, that she would no longer be able to see me. I freaked!! I felt manipulated...but because I was terrified of loosing her as my T...I went to DBT. The other time she threatened me with termination....I was going through a discrimination suit with a previous employer. They denied me advancement in my career due to my psychological disorder and I filed a formal complaint. I could have won had we gone to court...but old T said that "once therapy goes to court" she could no longer work with me as a T. So...again, terrified....I dropped the court case, chose arbitration and got shafted. The company got away with it and will never face accountability.

What irritates me the most is that she knew/felt that she was not qualified to treat me with my background of trauma and my issues...yet she still held on to me.

Why couldn't she just come forward and tell me that she didn't think that she was the most appropriate person for the job and that she felt I would do better with a more skilled T?

I am not angry with her....I just feel kind of betrayed by old T is all. I'm trying not to judge my feelings...but I still can't help but feel I DON'T have a right to feel betrayed.

Any words of wisdom would be welcomed.