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Old Oct 19, 2009, 06:19 PM
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Dr.Muffin Dr.Muffin is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2009
Location: Philly, PA
Posts: 863
Quote:
Originally Posted by deliquesce View Post
a lot of ppl here talk about their 'abandonment issues'. i have probably used it a few times myself, but i dont really get it/relate to it, to be honest.

one of my big fears is that i will open up/be vulnerable and ppl will reject me. it doesn't feel like 'abandonment', so much, because... i dont know... that word makes it sound like you are somehow dependent on the other person, and i am fortunate in that i have a strong belief in my own ability to get by without the help of others. rejection, on the other hand, feels like coming from a more stable base but where you want just the emotional connection and that gets denied because of who you are.

i dont know if i'm just being pedantic. maybe ppl use 'abandonment' to loosely cover 'rejection' also?

the other thing is that (to me) 'rejection' seems like it is something personal (someone making the wilful decison to reject you), whereas 'abandonment' could possibly encompass other reasons that have nothign to do (in a direct manner) with the person being abandoned - other commitments, inability to provide etc. so, i'd prefer abandonment over rejection, but i dont know if that is just my interpretation on the two.

thoughts?

edit: 3am here. it has just occured to me that maybe i have posted this before? or have i only written it out in my head? sorry if i am posting the same bloody thread again, lol. i really should be in bed.
i get what youre saying...i was just having a conversation with my supervisor about this yesterday. she was saying (and i think i agree) that you cannot abandon an adult, for the very reason you stated. you are self-reliant at that point, no need to be dependent on another.

i think when people talk about abandoment issues, they are talking about the (perceived or actual) abandonment they experienced at a point where it WAS abandonment, when they were children. the feelings of not being good enough or somehow defective are the same ones they feel as adults when they are rejected. so, yes they have abandonment issues, but no they are not being abandoned as adults....its just that the feelings that arise now are so similar to the ones back then.

i apologize if someone has already said all or part of this...i havent read the other responses yet!