A good session overall, if anticlimactic, but that's okay - T and I have talked about how some sessions need to be that way.

So I asked T why she thinks we're at an important place in therapy right now - she said that we've opened up all these issues, and now we need to move through them, while at the same time paying attention to our evolving relationship. I agreed with that! I told T about this unsettled feeling I had about discussing this topic with her... and my nose started itching! That has happened once before in therapy, when I first discussed something of huge significance with T - that was in May, it hasn't happened again until now, and it itched the entire session! T and I talked a lot about this feeling, how I think it's a positive feeling, even though it's a little scary, because I feel like it's signaling that I'm moving in the right direction.

T and I got to talking about how I don't want to be needy and dependent on her. T said... what if it feels good to be dependent on someone if that person is actually there for you? Hmmm...

We discussed anger, and what I did with anger when I was a child - we determined that since I'm afraid of anger and I didn't throw tantrums or ever argue back to my parents, I must have turned that anger inward. So we went over all the ways I've done that. Poor little me!

I was talking about my relationship with my mother and grandmother, how complicated it is, and T suddenly said, "Oy vey!" I must have looked startled, because T said, "Sorry, that's the Jewishness in me coming out, all this talk about grandmothers." I was cracking up!

T again paused before she opened the door when I left, almost like she was expecting me to ask for a hug. I've decided that I like the pause, because it means that the option is there for me to ask for a hug, or even just to hug her, after our discussion last week on it.

This is my only session with T this week, and then I'll go twice next week, barring a possible business trip - I'm trying hard to get a coworker to go in my place!