Quote:
Originally Posted by polarsmom
Skeksi- I think I feel the same as you do about my T.
Right now I am working on creating a bond with my T. And I am scared about doing so because once I feel that bond, once I feel that emotional connection with him I will feel dependant on him. In a way I am afraid of that happening. I don't want to be 'rejected' either. Who wants their feelings hurt? But I'd rather be rejected now. I'd rather be pushed away before I become emotionally involved. Because after that, to me, if you remove yourself from my life then I feel abandoned. Again.
Not that I am completely alone. It's not like I put all my emotions or needs onto one person. It's just feeling that missing piece. That void. And it's something I truely struggle with. Having this happen and then leaving me to wonder why? what did I do wrong?
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Polarsmom- I can so relate to this. I also wonder why and what did I do wrong when I am/imagine I have been abandoned. I am also working on bonding with my new t, but there is a part of me that is very cautious. As much as I would like to believe that I am OK with becoming attached to her, I do feel a little bit of holding back. I dont want to become dependent on her. And in some way, I enjoy this period of the relationship where I am not terrbily dependent on her but I like her. I feel freer- if that makes any sense. It is also something I also struggle with when I am attached to a t. I can feel abandoned/rejected at a small remark or attitude that wasnt even intended that way.
With my previous t, I never thought I become dependent on her. I liked her but didnt care much. I dont know at what point my feelings changed, but I have a feeling it was b/c of more complex reasons that I thought at first. I wish I had been more aware at the time of when my feelings changed.