my head is full of rot. please remind me next time this happens, ok? (i probably wont believe you though. hmm).

pdoc called on his way home yesterday to let me know he'd filled out the forms. of course i'd spent the whole day being upset because he told me he'd do it first thing in the morning, so i assumed he was ignoring me still.

he could tell i was pretty sick when i called (got some bug? haven't kept anything down since saturday) so then he went into dr-mode on me. i hate going to the GP, so it was nice to get some medical advice. he told me what meds to take, but also made me promise to go to a GP if things havent settled by tomorrow.

then the phone line dropped out (he was driving home from work), but he sent me a txt to remind me about the forms. i sent him one back immediately asking if i could see him this friday, but he didnt reply. so, cue: pdoc is happy to talk on the phone, but he hates you too much to see you in person.

he replied at 10pm last night saying our friday session is locked in.

bloody hell, i can't do this anxiety/catastrophising thing. i'm scared to bring it up with him, but i know it's more damaging to me to just let it slide and go into panic every time he doesnt respond. i need some sort of promise like "deli, when i finally decide i hate you, i will promise to call/write and let you know". that way i can stop worrying about it until it happens. it's the worrying that's the worst bit, actually knowing wouldn't be so bad.

anyway. that's where i stand. fingers crossed i'm ok by tomorrow, because i dont want to see a GP. fingers crossed i dont make up some fantastic "pdoc hates you" scenario before friday and get myself into another mess. fingers crossed i can sit through 3hrs of uni today without being sick. ahhh .