i would just trust in God and let it all out. keeping stuff in only makes things worse in all aspects. i relapsed on crack cocaine & just came out & told my t. when 2yr old was born we both tested + for cocaine &cps was with me 4 a year. i am also on klonopins & i take them exactly like im supposed to but when i smoke crack i use them to come down end up short & klonopins are harder to find on the street so i got xanax. i came totally clean with t. my doctor however is now writing my rx for klonopin with no refills 4 now. he says because of the relapse he wants to keep a close eye because of course benzos & cocaine can be lethal. but thanks be to God both my girls are healthy cuz i used when i was pregnant with both of them. im sorry im hurryin to type this cuz its lilys naptime didnt really get a chance to read all u wrote but like i said i would tell t everything cuz they cant fully help if they dont know whole story of whats goin on i guess im blessed too cuz my t & doc both are good christian people & its christian based counseling however they did say in kind of round about terms that if they thought i became unfit & keep doing the drugs they reserve the right to contact cps. which if im gonna keep that stuff in my life i dont deserve to have them anyway soooo not fair to them.