[quote=iskm12;1171645]Im not depressed, if anything far from it, I am able to keep myself content, happy, but yet alone at the same time. I know I dislike people, but at the same time I wish to make myself want to be with people.... Dark things fasinate me. The Nazi(not a supporter), corpse, blood, murder.... Who Am I? I know exactly what I am, I just what to kill it. How can one kill the soul, all my life I have been trying to kill the soul, but I grow weary. As one of my helpers says, 'your soul fights for your freedom.' but I fear I have none. /quote]

In my opinion, most of us struggle with very dark thoughts from time to time. Depending upon what's going on in our lives, we may spend more time pondering the darkness & wondering why on Earth we're so fascinated, yet troubled by these scary thoughts. I certainly don't "get off" on cruel, dark thoughts. I don't.

I have had strong temptations to act upon ideas that pop into my head. While I'm awfully tempted, I also recognize that it wouldn't be a "good" idea. I'd be killing myself, or at least scaring the heck out of innocent people. I can't allow myself to do that. I hate the strong temptation pushing me to act upon the desires, but I force myself to keep moving.

Focus upon something else. Call a friend and talk about unrelated stuff. Those thoughts will wane for awhile. They'll come back, and push them off again. In the meantime, talk with a counselor about your thoughts & experiences. If your current counselor isn't helping much, perhaps you should seek another. In the very difficult times, going into the hospital is the only thing that does help. If you find your thoughts becoming more dark, overpowering and exhilerating, you need to seriously consider getting some extra help.

That's my experience anyway. Best wishes to you.
Shez