Thanks butterfly and Ozzie, you know, I showed my T the pic today and she said that I looked good in it. She said that Jane's love was obvious, Yes, I guess I believe Jane came in a way to show me where the last twenty years and accumulation of junk have left me. As for loving my friend. You know I am honored to have such friends. I will continue to do what he needs of me through the end. Tonight is my husband's overnight. He is good at care but knows less about meds so I hope he calls if he is unclear. The wife is so very tired and can't think straight and is greatful for the sleepover parties. His condition has been very erradic. He will have a nose dive and we think this is it and the next day he comes back 75%. He is not ready to go. He cried with me when we spoke of it the other day. I asked him what he wanted and he stated that he wanted to keep getting the treatment if he is able but if he is too sick to leave the home we are to keep him comfortable and love him. He said he had not made the final plans for his cremation etc. So we talked about it and he told me he wanted a graveside only service to bury his ashes. He wanted bagpipes and certain songs and for everyone to sing. I told him that his son and I are going to bring him to the crematorium personally. I told him we were joking about if we should sit him up with a seat belt or lay him down. He chuckled. I need to do this final act for him and his son is on the same page. His liver is massive with tumor and he has something causing a partial obstruction. He is so full of cancer that none of us can understand how he is still with us except willpower.

I also am having an experience of nothing being black and white. Yes he is my friend, he has been a friend, but before I knew him he did some hurtful things to his family. He is still the man I know and love. He has brought us gifts. Man wonderful gifts.