We all need help sometimes. Have you looked into seeing a therapist? They may at least be able to help you get some clarity.

Many of us have been where you are. I am glad to say I've come out that other side. It was only recently (despite my depression getting better) that I have decided I want to live rather than just exist. Now that I am being treated for ADHD, I can slow my thought process down and "roll with it" much easier. I am able to deal with things and allow what time needs to pass to resolve things. It is great that you have reached the point where you are aware of what is happening and want to change it.

My mom is a big fan of "choose your attitude". Hard for me since I am SO NOT a morning person! Fake it until you make it. I had to learn how to do that since I work in a call center and if I am tired, depressed or angry, I can't let it show in my voice. I started a thread in the Depression Forum called "What did we do today?" (I admittedly stole the idea from Lisa Michelle, but she was good with it.) I took that idea along with the ADHD tip of making a list of 5 things to do for a day and crossing them out as I got them done. Even if it is only one or two things, write them down at the end of the day. You'll going to bed feeling like you got something done! I also started writing "dedications" in my journal. If I were to write a best selling book, who would I dedicate it to? What would I write for that dedication? I found it a creative way of counting my blessings!

I hope this helps!