You are going through the stages of bereavement - there are many different stages from denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. I lost a close family member a couple of years back - took me a long while to feel anything - I was like ICE completely unemotional. Eventually started grieving at the time when it was right for me.... I then interacted with services. My advice is that I wouldnt force it.... you will do it when it is right for you. In the meantime, if you feel you need help then contact services.