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Hi Cypher,
I know of what you are talking about. My mother taught me from the age of three how to hate her and hate myself. She hit me and beat me. She taught me that I deserved to be abused. I am still dealing with it. What she taught me were lies and I had to decide that I wasn't going to believe them but it isn't easy. It takes work and practice.
After my mother died, some interesting things have come to light and I am still working to forgive her. But one interesting thing is that it feels safe to tell the truth now. When she was alive, telling the truth felt like I was disrespecting her. But now, she knows the truth. And everyone can know the truth.
When she died, I grieved her death. My mom died. It hurt. She was my mom. No matter what she did to me, she was my mom. I took care of her before she died of cancer. I would not have changed that. I wanted to do it.
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 Vickie
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