Quote:
Originally Posted by stumpy
does it surprise me that you miss her? nope.
i read someplace that kids (pets), people strive for postive attention. not getting that they seek bad attention. the absolute worst thing a parent, caregiver what ever can give is no attention...so yeah...desk t may not have been great...but hey she was yours.
she was familiar...her treatment of you was not nice and warm and cuddly but it beat no treatment and neglect. and it sounds like it touched on something familair..maybe like mom (forgive me if i'm reaching...got a cold and my brain is clouded). it's scary to go towards something new...you know what you have with something old...it may suck but at least you know what it is...and in that light it is safe.
and its okay to mourn the change...which is what you are doing. but hey i have read your posts since going to ftt and i would embrace her...she sounds wonderful...and i can hear the changes coming in your words..and the heraling starting already...you were so ready to move on...just by challenging desk t...inside you knew she wasn't right for you (dare i say anybody? oh did i type that out loud??? it's good she isn't my t..she'd be wearing that desk)
hell at timkes i miss my old t who abused me in ways i'll be in therapy for in years just to heal from....and she never even sat at her crummy ikea desk!
take some deep breaths...you feel the need to call then do so but relize that you will probably never get the kind of reaction you want from her (she's a little emotionally stunted maybe damn it slipped out again)
i think maybe i should quit while i'm ahead but yer getting my point i hope. you are doing great...
stumpy & the head of a thousand rowdy peeps  |
Oh, Stumpy, Stumpy, Stumpy......and those rowdy little peeps of yours....There were times I wanted to pick up that "desk" )it was more like a conference table the size of a roller rink) and hit her over the head with it. Once, we were talking about EDs and she asked me what were the reasons I should do this or that. I was silent, couldnt come up with any reasons to eat. I guess she got frustrated with me because we had been over this about 1000 times and said,"You'd better come up with some reasons before I jump over this desk and strangle you!"
My thought was..."Oh, lady, Id like to see THAT! At least it would get her out from behind that thing."
Anyway, boy did I need that laugh. Its been a rough day. I guess she is familiar. And like mommy. And I keep trying to get love and warmth she wont give me. She wont mommy me. And I need a mommy. I am a mommy, but I need a place to be the child, for NOW, s**t, not forever. I needed her and she wouldnt do it. I cant cry enough. I guess its tears for mommy. What else can it be?
Ftt is very gentle and mommy-like. I am sort of a teeny bit getting attached. A teeny bit. I wonder what will make me attached? She is good, though. And she is leading me in the right direction, as opposed to desk-t who made me crazier.