I agree with the other posters. The word codependency is one you really need to research. You define yourself by how your parents feel about you even though you are 48 years old. When a person grows up with abuse or other unhealthy issues they get warped ideas and beliefs about themselves.

The more I understand codependency issues the more clearly I see how I go bent by the cruelty and neglect that defined my childhood.

My "mother" died at 62 of cancer after only a 6 weeks time period. My whole life imploded as every bit of abuse, issues, abandonment, cruelty and neglect blew up inside me and I did not know what to do with these unresolved issues. I wish I had known about codependency when I was younger, but I am grateful for how far I have come since 1992 when she died.

Sadly I never miss my "mother" ever. I often wonder what it would be like to have had a mom who loved me and a mom who was here for me now. I struggle with loneliness, it is an ever-present shadow over my heart. But, I am alive, I broke the chains of abuse and did not pass them on to my own two precious children and I'm learning how to hold my head up in a marriage I helped damage due to my codepency on my mate.

If you hear nothing else from all of us I PRAY you will get it through your mind that the pain and misery inside of you has less to do with your family than with your own thinking and choices.

I usually try to be very sympathetic because I've been in so much pain in my own life - but that isn't what you need most. You need truth to hear that you are letting them keep you a victim - IT IS YOUR CHOICE. There is help out here - get tired of the guilt and shame and look for your freedom. I hope you can hear me, because I really DO get it!!!!! When you finally DO "get it" you will NEVER call yourself a cypher again.