I hear what you are saying, my husband is going through alot of internal pain and I am struggleing with the fact that I may not be a canidate for the epelepsy surgery, so that is why our stress level is so high, but I do alot of journaling, and we have our own section of the house that we go to when things get to rough, and I do my journaling, and he does his thing. And that helps with his stress level. We give it a couple hours, and then we are level headed enough to talk calmly. But it is hard to not bring up blame.