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Originally Posted by BlueMoon6
I am so touched by the genuine empathy you had for him and that he was able to tell you why he was making light of his accident at that moment. He sounds like a very special person and so are you.
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Thank you, Bluemoon.
I'm now understanding that the time at the beginning of my session when we talked about his injury--before we even got into therapy--was quite a powerful interchange. To allow myself to cry for him and for him to be so accepting of my depth of feeling for him--very powerful. I like that he noticed and thanked me at the end. I also like how he did not look at my tears and think, "oh, I'm upsetting Sunny, I shouldn't be joking about this, I will stop now because I'm the therapist and should not upset her." I reeeeeally love that he did not do this at all. He had a need--to release tension/energy from his accident--and he was able to express that need (by his somewhat manic joking) with me present. It wasn't all about "me," which makes me feel the relationship is more real/reciprocal. It was not harmful to me or to our relationship. It drew us closer. He was very accepting that I care so much about him, and I did not feel embarrassed at all to cry.
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I read your post last night and could not reply. I was thinking about a lot of things and one of them was your relationship with your t. The comfort, caring,trust and genuiness that you have with each other is something I want in my life. I dont think I have ever had that kind caring. Or connection. With anyone. When I read this, I felt like I was reading a fairytale. A make-believe story of what love looks like. But it is real and that makes me sad, because I think it is for other people but not for me.
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Bluemoon, I don't have it either in my life, just what I experience in therapy. But I think that a place I
try to have it,as best I can, is with my daughters. I would like for them to have a relationship with me like I have with my T. I'm not sure it is possible, but I try very hard to have good relationships with them and to be comforting, caring, etc. Wouldn't it be great if I could have had a relationship with my XH that had half the care/comfort/trust/authenticity of my relationship with T? But I think many who are married don't have close relationships. I did try to go to marriage counseling with my H many years ago, but he wouldn't go. If he had, maybe we could have learned to be closer. I would say, if you are not satisfied with the level of intimacy in your marriage, unless it is just totally broken, do the best you can to get help. Wouldn't it be worth it to have the kind of relationship you say you will never have?
Maybe part of the reason the T tries to develop a close relationship with clients is because it may help motivate them to have closer relationships with others. It's a lot harder on the outside....