Welcome Briester, it sounds like you have been through an awful lot of grief in your life so far and possibly didn't grieve properly at the time. Past traumas can have an impact on us. I am glad you are able to talk about it here. I suggest that you talk to your Doctor on how you are feeling and look into getting psychotherapy.
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Pegasus
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“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein