Like Bruce said.....Autumn didn't used to be this way....it used to be the new beginning after the summer break of refreshing experiences. A chance to start another challenge......fresh & ready to go.
Then real life hit.....I don't know why but it seems that every bad thing that happens in my life hits me in the fall/winter. The only good thing I can remember for years was the birth of my foal the end of September 5 years ago......but from that point on.....nothing but bad things have filled my life during the fall.
I hate going there....I hate where my mind takes me when I try hard to keep the pictures away.....even when good pictures are in my life, somehow, the bad tends to overlay them with visions from the past. Trying to shake them away while with others who don't know of that past tends to be awkward......but sure it is mostly only I that knows what is going on in my mind......making sure that the few tears that fall aren't seen by anyone.
Somehow even the feel from the change of season triggers that sense within me.......I kept hoping that a change of scenery, even the change of location 2100 miles away would help.....it has some, but there are still some memories that just won't go away & some new ones that have piled on top of those....only to add to the painful thoughts that come at this time of year.
Sitting around the nice warm fireplace with some warm cider or hot tea.....will also bring the gingersnap cookies with sliced cheese & apples along with my oatmeal-pumpkin-cranberry cookies warm out of the oven to munch on......& several boxes of nice soft tissues to wipe the tears.
So eskielover is joining with the group if that's ok.