Troy,

Don't know if you are still around....you haven't posted since this last post here......but just wanted to tell you about an experience that I had a few years ago while in outpatient treatment for PTSD that was caused by something way less serious than what you went through in the war.

There was a sweet older man (much older....in his 90's) who had been a pilot in WWII. Obviously, there was no treatment for PTSD after that war....they didn't even know what PTSD was. He was telling us about all the horrible experiences he had during the war along with some of the exciting experiences.......but he was finally able to let them all out....as if it was just yesterday that he had experienced it all.

Honestly....it doesn't go away & it doesn't get better without help. As far as T's asking questions....most of the T's I have gone to let me talk....without questions unless I am already on that path in the first place & then the questions are not forced to be answered......they let you determine what you are willing to let out or not......so don't let the fear of them asking questions stop you from the therapy that you so desperately deserve & need.

Hope you can come to terms with yourself & free yourself from what you are holding onto so tightly......there is no point in suffering all these years holding it in when letting it out gives at least some relief....it doesn't get rid of everything, but teaches you how to deal with the feelings & symptoms that PTSD causes......there is no dishonor in getting help.

To be quite honest, I don't think that there are many people who have served in a war situation that don't have some level of PTSD, so it's not a negative label.......it's more of a group that all military belong to going through the horrible experiences that one wasn't given an option to choose.

Take care of yourself,
eskielover