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turquoisesea · Oct 22, 2009, 07:38 PM

just wanted to thank everyone who has replied to this

sorry about my last post I went here, was already upset and the post triggered me further.

I do fully understand the need for therapists to protect themselves and their own wages. And I really want to be able to do an 8 am meeting. But I simply can't afford financially to schedule any more 8 am meetings. I have 0 control over my work schedule, I could be called in to work a night or a day. I am guaranteed at least one day off a week but never which day. So I really don't know how I can fit in therapy, that'll be an issue with any therapist.

I guess for me right now it REALLY comes down to trust. And I just CAN'T trust someone who hearing me bawling on the phone doesn't once express ANY amount of concern. To me actually crying in front of someone is a HUGE thing - I rarely do that if ever unless it's to my boyfriend. It means I trust them. I feel that she slammed that trust back in my face. I ended up crying for hours after we talked and I have slipped back to very old habits ever since, I still haven't gotten back up from this and it's been a week. I still am very hurt over it.

I'm trying to call new therapists. If I can find a therapist who I feel CARES, then it's more worth the risk of missing an appointment - I KNOW my schedule is crappy. *and I hate it*
I guess this is uncovering something about therapy with this therapist as whole. She listens. All she does when I'm upset is say "don't do it". Which is great and all , but clearly I have already tried SO HARD not to. I have not gained anything from therapy with her - and when I ask she says "I'm just working on getting you to trust me"... which I can NOT do with her, especially not now... and even when I was in crisis she offered nothing - I'd ask for ideas of what do do if I was in crisis or if we could work on skills to ground or help me be safe. She would say just not to do anything bad, and to call 911 if I felt in true danger... I REALLY wanted to work on coping skills

I feel like a moron for beginning to trust her

I'm sorry this is getting so long.

I know I really need a T right now, but I think what I need in a T is someone I can TRUST, someone who can give me advice on what to do, someone who will work on coping skills, and someone who can at least seem like she cares when I'm crying. And I'm just not seeing that at all in this T, even though I've tried to see it since December

What a rant....
thank you for indulging my rant... I'm hoping it can help I dunno

thank you so much for every reply - you guys are AWESOME