First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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But I think many who are married don't have close relationships. I did try to go to marriage counseling with my H many years ago, but he wouldn't go. If he had, maybe we could have learned to be closer.
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Then...There is something else I want to add (of course
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It is so sad to me that your h wouldnt go. Even if there is the tiniest spark of a chance that things could have been better, it is tragic. Of course, I dont know anything about what happened with you and your x, but I know from people in my life, especially when children are involved, it is sad when the h wont do everything he possibly could save the marriage. I am so sorry, Sunny.
My husband and I have our issues and work to do on our relationship. It seems to be worked on in waves. We do a lot of work, then step back and see how things go (this is not a specific plan, just how things comfortably things seem to go for us with therapy). Then, back to work and then a step back. There are still so many things. But I like him. He is a good, intelligent, sensitive and sometimes even open (
) person. He has a lot of potential. He doesnt refuse, but he does have stand-offs. If I dont do this, then he wont do that. On the positive side, he will definitely listen to my concerns about the relatonship. He wants it to work and for us to be happy. And there are our children's lives to think of. So.....after all that rambling.....My goal for us is simply what you said. To learn to be closer to each other, and have the kind of intimacy that you describe with t. We are not so very far from it, but surely not there yet. Sigh....