I know taking three pills every night is really not that big of a deal. But I wish I never had to take them to begin with. I had to switch anti-depressants because the pills I was taking were apparently making me tired and groggy. Now I also have pills to take when I'm feeling anxious that are supposed to make me feel 'perky' and 'happier.'

I hate it. I hate that the medicine is me now, I hate that without it I would have a different personality. I hate the voice in the back of my head that every time I smile tells me "it's because of the pills."

I don't want to stop taking them, because then I would be worse of. I just want to be able to accept that I'm not normal and I'm messed up and will never just be normal ever again. So why is it so hard to do that...?

Why I had to end up with this stupid brain that's freaking messed up my life, I'll never know or accept.