I don't know that I can deal with this. It seems like it is going to be a major topic in T for a while. I barley talked about it and started having flash-backs. No one's ever been there for me. I don't know. I feel awful. But at the same time I don't feel like I deserve to still be bothered by it. I feel like I should just be over it. I don't know how I can ever get through it all and how it has twined itself through every aspect of my life. When will I ever be free of it?

I've never really had time, even with all my T, to really talk about what happened, but it is so hard. I feel like it was a scab that was getting poked at and ripped off. I feel vulnerable and scared. It makes me feel exposed. I hate trusting other people.

I know that I need to deal with this but it is so scary. I just want to hid under my blankets and not have to come out.