(((((Charmane)))))) Thanks for bringing this out. I'm wondering, is there anyone you can go to to talk aboutthis? Do you have a pastor, or a free clinic or something where you can see a counselor or psychologist? You are under horrible stress right now, and I understand totally you're need to take care of the rest of the family as well as this son who is ill.
I hope you don't feel wounded by stefano's suggestion. Sometimes people who are severely depressed are reacting more to their version of reality rather than to reality, and that can be very different than what you know and feel to be true. Hospitalization may help just becasue it can make a break with the environment that he is in the habit of seeing as negative and force him to reevaluate and choose a new course of acting and feeling. It does NOT mean that you are a bad, uncaring mother or ever have been. He is interacting more with his inner world than to you. My hear t goes out to you and I hope very much that help can be found. Hang in there! Please keep posting!!!!