OK so I went to T last night and it was good.
We talked about PTSD, patterns and recognizing mine, and setting a couple goals to help change a couple small patterns. No problem ....

He suggested joining a support group in the area ...... another hurtle...

Tonight I am supposed to go to dinner w/friends for my birthday...I am a wreck about the social aspect of this. I just get so worked up.....

Aside from that I am dealing with stuff at work that gives me pressure, nothing new its my job ..... grrrr!

Aside from that I am dealing with some health issues....blaaagh!

Triggers....random crap

on top of that my son is not doing well in school and is a teen and I am trying to point him in the right direction....

on top of that I sent T an email, that talks a little bit about how I depend on him...now that I re-read it I am stressed from that.....It talks about my issues about being around men and unsure of myself. It talks about how I feel about T(see below). I am nerved up and in knots......UGH

When my friend talks about being with men and around men and flirting with men and socializin with men....I freeze up. I dont know why, I was never like this in my younger years....now...its been like 10 years since I have been in any relationship and even before that I was in a crappy one at that....
I dont know how to be around a man and feel comfortable, I feel inadequate, I feel like I just cant open up and I cant see me in a relationship.
I want to meet people, men included and yes someday I think I would like to be in a relationship but something inside of me is shut off....
However, my T is a male and I dont feel that way with him. I feel like I can be around him and not feel uncomfortable... sometimes I feel like he is the only man I will be able to be open with and relate to...he is younger than me which is weird enough because I never really related to younger men....I have been meeting w/him for about 10 mos, now I feel like I can not live without him and now when I see people talk about not having T anymore in their lives I am freaked out because that is something I had not thought about before reading their experiences.

Sooooo ....there are so many things... I am overwhelmed .....I feel good because my medication was adj and so thats good... but I got all this stuff ...... I want to run away! Wish I didnt feel this way .....