Hi Sunny,
The dinner with your friends sounds like it will be good. You are keeping it simple I hope. I hope you have talked to your friend about that.
You have quite a few things going on at once. The feeling of being dependant on your T is normal. They know it happens also. I think right for today just try to enjoy the evening with friends. Thinking about too many different items at one time just makes it harder to handle one. Just try to enjoy your evening by thinking about you. Have a little enjoyment.
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Originally Posted by SUNNY2009
OK so I went to T last night and it was good.
We talked about PTSD, patterns and recognizing mine, and setting a couple goals to help change a couple small patterns. No problem ....
He suggested joining a support group in the area ...... another hurtle... 
Tonight I am supposed to go to dinner w/friends for my birthday...I am a wreck about the social aspect of this. I just get so worked up..... 
Aside from that I am dealing with stuff at work that gives me pressure, nothing new its my job ..... grrrr!
Aside from that I am dealing with some health issues.... blaaagh!
Triggers....random crap
on top of that my son is not doing well in school and is a teen and I am trying to point him in the right direction....
on top of that I sent T an email, that talks a little bit about how I depend on him...now that I re-read it I am stressed from that.....It talks about my issues about being around men and unsure of myself. It talks about how I feel about T(see below). I am nerved up and in knots......UGH 
When my friend talks about being with men and around men and flirting with men and socializin with men....I freeze up. I dont know why, I was never like this in my younger years....now...its been like 10 years since I have been in any relationship and even before that I was in a crappy one at that....
I dont know how to be around a man and feel comfortable, I feel inadequate, I feel like I just cant open up and I cant see me in a relationship.
I want to meet people, men included and yes someday I think I would like to be in a relationship but something inside of me is shut off.... 
However, my T is a male and I dont feel that way with him. I feel like I can be around him and not feel uncomfortable... sometimes I feel like he is the only man I will be able to be open with and relate to...he is younger than me which is weird enough because I never really related to younger men....I have been meeting w/him for about 10 mos, now I feel like I can not live without him and now when I see people talk about not having T anymore in their lives I am freaked out because that is something I had not thought about before reading their experiences. 
Sooooo ....there are so many things... I am overwhelmed .....I feel good because my medication was adj and so thats good... but I got all this stuff ...... I want to run away! Wish I didnt feel this way ..... |