...if I didn't tell everyone how easy my distraction is.

People constantly say, "Write it out, journal it, keep a diary" blah blah blah. It's supposed to help. It's supposed to get out the emotions we can't verbalize or the thoughts wouldn't dare tell others.

But for me, for some reason I can't explain, writing actually works. Not for anything else, ever, but this. Resistance. I almost cut tonight...I was very close. EVERYTHING was triggering. I simply looked at my skin and it was triggering. Everything had to do with skin, blades, and blood. I hadn't really experienced that before. So when it became too much, I went to go online and come here for support (I promised myself I'd try to get SOME help if I ever came close to cutting) and while my computer was signing online, I grabbed my journal. I was anxious, shakey, my mind was elsewhere and the frustration was building. I grabbed a pencil and jotted down the date and time.

A few simple, to-the-point lines later, I was unexplainably calm. It was weird. I had gone to this unbearable frustration and confusion to a focused, quiet calm in a few short sentences. That was all it took, and I was surprised. How could that have been my remedy all along?

I wanted to share this because like I said before, if I didn't I feel like I would have been doing an injustice to all who post here. Writing works for me, when I could have swore to you beforehand that it wouldn't. Maybe one day, when you get the urge to cut, you could just write something down instead? One policy I have for myself when writing is this: honesty. Don't ********, don't lie, don't sugarcoat it and don't try to be some artsy writer with all the right words. Nobody else is going to read it. This took me a few tries at first, and I'm still working on it, but it's soothing. Being honest with yourself isn't easy...but I think the more you do it the better you get at it.

Anyway, enough with my psychobabble, I just wanted you all to know and hopefully someone tries this one day instead of cutting. Lots of love to you all, please try and stay safe!