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opheliasorrow · Oct 23, 2009, 03:15 PM

Gosh Jenny I am so terribly sorry you have had such terrible trauma in your life. You sound like such a strong person, you have endured not only sexual abuse, but abuse from your mother too. First of all, I just want to say that I am no proffessional, I am an abuse survivor like yourself and can only offer what I have learned so far in my two years of therapy by a wonderful psychotherapist.

Your question will the memories ever end? In my experience probably not, BUT you can learn how to copw with them, stay grounded and make them less of a threat in your life. I too was neglected and abused by my mother, she tried to smother me as a baby (only found that out not long ago) and now some of the memories I have had make sense. She was so mean to me as a baby and a young child, I have hated her, stopped spweaking to her but I still love her, she is my mother. It's taken a long time to forgive her actions, I still have flashbacks and dreams, terrible terrible dreams, but we have a relationship these days even if it's not one I really would want as mother and daughter. We manage and she is getting older.

Her lover was the abuser. From the age of 8 until I was 16/17 he abused me and mum never believed me even though his wife told her he'd been in court for sexual abuse .... so there lies another problem ... rejection/abandonment etc etc .... I really just wanted to write back to you to let you know I am so much more positive in my life and although I have problems still I can manage them much better. The days I am feeling particularly bad I have a wonderful therapist who will help me though it. Stay positive, please believe me when I say that I never though I would be able to get over this, my live has been screwed up so much. I am nearly 45 ... and I'm getting there ... and so will you. You are strong .. I know this from what you have told me .... and I feel like I could kill my mother sometimes, but the protector inside me is talking, wanting HER to know how I felt ... that's how it works. Take care and know you can pm me any time. You can learn to control the memories, turn them around, just stay positive and know you're NOT alone ... with love, hugs if that's ok, Ophelia (Kerry )