I am suffering big time in my head.
I feel like the world just doesn't want me to heal.
My T seems pissed at me lately when I try to tell her the things going on in my head. She says she isn't mad for me having the thoughts but that I don't express them well and I imply I don't want her help. I didn't know there was a certain way to express the ramblings of a crazy mind.
Everything is getting the best of me. Tired/Exhausted doesn't come close to how weak my mind, body and soul are.
My thoughts are everywhere...like a dog running on the highway and bamm hit by a mack truck and now the doggie is splattered on the road close to dead but there is still a beat in it's little heart.
I no longer think I am rational. I no longer make sense to me any more.
I don't know where to go but here right now. In a way, I am glad there is support but without anyone knowing me.
Seems like those who do know me are so frustrated with me that I no longer want to go to any of them. I want to just let everyone slowly dissolve out of my life.
I don't need anyone. I don't care anymore.
Tired of working hard on me just to fall deeper and deeper into a black, swirling hole.
I try to stay busy to focus on other things then the voices in my head that want me to do this or that.
I don't think I am capable of hanging on much longer.
But, I cannot tell anyone in mrl because they are all upset when I say that and then they just get angry that I cannot pull myself togetehr.
I am beyond that now. There is no hope for turning back...and if there is I no longer see it.
HELP....please!