(((((hugs)))))) I'm sorry you are feeling so distraught right now, and especially that you feel your T isn't really there for you. But your T IS there for you...make sure that you KNOW this... think it, even if you can't "believe" it right now, ok?

I understand isolating yourself from friends and all when it seems the friendship costs more than the benefits. I hear you reaching out to them, and they, like so many, have no idea how to reach back... even though they might want to very much, they just don't know how to help you.

Maybe you do need to rest? You said you are so tired in mind and body... can you tell yourself that your doctor would want you to take a full day and do nothing, not even think about what needs to be done, that you get to take a break from the whole world?

Therapy is work, and it sounds like the "working hard " on you has overwhelmed you.. so many thoughts! So many ideas and opinions!

Rest, breathe, and know that nothing has to be done right now, no decisions, not even to acknowledge that you are suffering... "just" be.