Quote:
Originally Posted by deliquesce
i am someone who craves social contact, almost in a way that other ppl do not. i'm the person who talks to randoms at the bus stop, makes friends with everyone at a party, is the 'popular' girl in class that everyone wants to be friends with etc. i am good with talking to strangers and 'making' them like me. but therein lies the problem - i always fear that i'm somehow manipulating ppl, that it's because of some sort of social skill that i have (not true likeable qualities) that wins me all these friends/acquaintances. .
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OMG! @_@ This describes me perfectly as well. My H is constantly pointing out to me how much people like me, that I'm everyone's favorite, etc..and I am just thinking, well, yeah, but I MADE them like me. I don't know why I believe that I have that power, but I DO believe it. Like everyone liking me just proves that I get an "A" in social skills, not that there is anything about me that is actually worth LIKING.
I will say that it IS slowly, slowly changing. I actually do have some very very close friends who really truly *know* me and they still like me. And it's easier for me to be open with people (rather than just fun and chatty) now that I've been in therapy for a while. And it feels really good actually. Now when people like me, I feel more like they like ME. (if that makes any sense)
As for rejection/abandonment...for me, rejection feels like...if I just met someone and they didn't like something about me and left, that would feel like rejection. If someone I have a relationship with leaves me, that feels like abandonment. My best friend from high school (thought she was my soul mate!) decided during our junior year in college that we wouldn't be friends anymore, and she wrote me a letter saying "I never called you friend" (
) and that was the end of it. It haunted me for YEARS, actually. That, to me, was abandonment. The youth minister who did counseling with me for two hears in high school - who I poured my heart out to, who was always there for me, who said he cared - slept with me and told me that we couldn't talk to each other ever again. That was abandonment.
A person in my homeschool group not inviting me to a party everyone else was invited to....that would feel like rejection.
They both hurt, but abandonment is a deeper, longer lasting hurt for me.
When it comes to T - someone who knows everything about me, and who is so important to me - rejection of any part of me would hurt as much as abandonment.
Wow. Thought-provoking question, Deli. And a lot of really thought-provoking responses too!
