Last night the baby was sick and wouldnt sleep at all. He was screaming and we were tired and cranky and he had to work the next day. In all of this we got into a fight because of our stress level. We both said things we shouldnt have said...but what came next was horrifying.

trigger
please be careful if its not good for you to read about spousual abuse.


I called him a name because he was making me angry. He flipped that i called him that name and took me by my neck, lifted me up and slammed me against wall. I couldnt breathe. He had the baby in his other arm so i was defenseless because if i tried to defend myself i didnt want my baby to get hurt. So i just smacked him on the arm and tried to pry his fingers off of my neck. He held me there for so long without oxygen i almost blacked out...i was seeing stars and completely confused and disoriented from the lack of oxygen. It started going alittle black when finally i hit him upside his head. He finally let me go (he said the only reason he let go was cuz when i slapped him in the head it knocked some sense into him) i fell to the floor gasping and bawling and he was bawling. He told me he was calling the police and an ambulance and I told him no. Today my throat is really sore and i can barely talk..but he put no bruises on my neck suprisingly. Im in total shock. My husband has never laid a finger on me, yes he has gotten angry but never physical. I told him im giving him one chance to get help and to get his act together. He is at work right now, i called my guy friend who is like a brother to me. We made a plan that im going to give him a set of keys to the apartment and made a plan that if my husband hurts me again i will text him and he will come while calling the police. I am also taking action by storing clothes and money the next time it happens because im not going back. My husband knows nothing about this...i want it to be a suprise. That way if it does happen again i will be ready and he wont be. He told me last night i need to divorce him, he called himself a coward...I know from previous abuse that just because they say stuff like that doesnt mean it wont happen again..so im ready. Im just so much in shock. I need some support..some hugs...maybe some nice hot tea with lemon and honey. I need a nice cozy little corner with a blanket and a pillow and someone just to sit with me so i can cry. All of this because i called my husband a name in a moment of anger. Why me? Why the man that i loved and cherished and thought he would protect me from other men and horrible things? Instead im getting other men to protect me from him! Im so upset and im so ashamed. Im ashamed because i told people what a wonderful guy he was...i thought so....now i feel like im useless...i feel like a liar who got caught...maybe i shouldnt have said that name...maybe i should have just let him go to bed without making him help me take care of the baby...maybe maybe maybe...its too late now...now i have to plan on trying to save my life and of my baby if it happens again. I feel so weak.