My 22 year old, handsome, intelligent, and interesting son told me today again that life is not worth living. He already attempted suicide on Oct. 4 and was hospitalized for six days. All he did while in the hospital was manipulate and lie until they let him out. He is being treated as an outpatient by an excellent M.D. but so far he refuses to comply with the medication. He was prescribed Buspar and Remron.

He has been so very depressed most of his life. He was a difficult child and always very hard on himself and so serious compared to other kids. He has an extremely high IQ but he cannot pass his college courses. Now, he has taken to hard drinking to handle his feelings. I think the drinking plus Xanax may have been the reason for his trying to hang himself. He can find no joy, no hope, no love in the world - at least that what he has indicated to us.

Our whole family is so traumatized, so afraid he will do this again. He has three siblings that love him very much but they have all suffered because of all of his problems - for years he has taken so much time and attention but it has only gotten worse. Since he is now almost 23 I am at a loss as to how to handle this anymore. I have three other children who are younger than him and we have no peace in our lives anymore.

He keeps insinuating now that he will try to kill himself again - nothing specific but the threat is always palpatable. I just need to get this off my chest - I'm starting to really feel this stress in physical ways. I don't know why this can't ever get better. He could have so much in life, and he has had a lot of advantages. He has blown all his money, all his opportunities and he has just retreated into himself.

Even though we could ill-afford it, and we could not take a vacation this year - we gave him money to go to Florida with friends, hoping to help him turn some kind of corner. Thanks for listening - it's so hard to talk about this with even good friends. They try to give advice but always it's obvious stuff that we've already tried. It's just so painful to talk about and so hard to get the words out of your mouth - that your child tried to take his own life.