Having my relationships improve outside of therapy has been one of the big unexpected windfalls from going to therapy. When I first went, I had no idea improving my relationships with people would help me so much or that I needed to. That is not why I went. Here are relationships that have improved since I began therapy: with my mother, my 2 daughters, my boss, my sister, to name a few. And this is all without working on this goal directly in therapy, but just by what I learned from having a therapeutic relationship with T. It's like some big secret of therapy that the T knows very well when you begin: "you may think you're coming to see me to get help with __________, but one area you will really be helped in is in how to have relationships with people." Of course, it they announced this at the first session, one would probably think they're not listening to me, I want help with X, not relationships. It's like this great side benefit of therapy that may turn into the major gain.

A couple of days ago, I was sitting with my XH at a sporting event for our daughter. He was talking to me quite passionately about something related to his work/his career. His eyes were alight and he spoke quickly and animatedly and really wanted me to understand. I realized, gosh darn it, the guy is connecting with me. It struck me as quite sweet and poignant. I accepted his passion for what he was saying and responded in all the right places. I have a somewhat shared technical background so I could understand a good part of what he was saying. I thought it must be a little hard for him right now because he is unemployed, has no one in his field on a day to day basis to bounce ideas off of, and would not get this from most romantic partners (unless they are in his field). I think in the past I would not have realized this was a connection attempt on his part.

It was kind of interesting to understand this. Maybe I should add my XH to the list of relationships that have improved since therapy.