Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMoon6
First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!   
Then...There is something else I want to add (of course  )
It is so sad to me that your h wouldnt go. Even if there is the tiniest spark of a chance that things could have been better, it is tragic. Of course, I dont know anything about what happened with you and your x, but I know from people in my life, especially when children are involved, it is sad when the h wont do everything he possibly could save the marriage. I am so sorry, Sunny. |
Thanks, BlueMoon.
I think the pain over that is gone. It was very bewildering to me at the time, as I felt our marriage was in such trouble and I was so unhappy, and when I suggested counseling, he said we didn't need it, that everything was fine in the marriage, that he was fine with the way things were. That made me feel like I was imagining things or hypersensitive or something--things were so bad, how could he say that? I must be deluded or completely wrong or something, so I just went back to doing the best I could without professional help. In the course of our recent split, he told me that the reason he would not go to marriage counseling back then was because he didn't want to acknowledge that there was anything wrong in our relationship because he felt if we talked about it, it would become "real" and we would then indeed have the problems I recognized. He just wanted to not talk about what might be wrong, because then we would have no problems. Does that make sense? It was just profound denial. He and I are both very, very avoidant types, and those are often the (unhappy) marriages that last longest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMoon6
My husband and I have our issues and work to do on our relationship.... There are still so many things. But I like him. He is a good, intelligent, sensitive and sometimes even open (  ) person. He has a lot of potential. He doesnt refuse, but he does have stand-offs. If I dont do this, then he wont do that. On the positive side, he will definitely listen to my concerns about the relatonship. He wants it to work and for us to be happy. And there are our children's lives to think of. So.....after all that rambling.....My goal for us is simply what you said. To learn to be closer to each other, and have the kind of intimacy that you describe with t. We are not so very far from it, but surely not there yet. |
I think this sounds very, very positive.