Do you have any way to see a doctor? You really should see a psychiatrist, but I do understand if say you do not have the money. If you can not see a psychiatrist, you may at least be able to see a regular doctor and get an anti-depressant. You should also try to get some counseling. Again you may have the restriction of money. Sometimes you can get help for low or no cost. Sounds as if you are depressed and really should try to get help before things get worse. Sitting in your apartment staring at the walls will only send you deeper into depression. Good Luck and keep posting.