dear friend, i'm sorry that i wasn't online this a.m., when you posted. it sounds like hell, now......i agree with sky and parker that you T is there for you. she's probably very concerned and worried about helping you. could you write out your thoughts, like you did for us? she might get more insight into your feelings, if she read them.......you know that you can PM me at any time. i'm here for you.........xoxoxo pat