ye i havent posted alot of these things at all but im really unsure what to do lately and any comments or advice at all would really be appreciated

basically i was diagnosed with depression (& dysthymia? think its called) about 2 years ago.was put on meds went to talk to people etc.got better for a while then worse.then for a long while i was finethen again worse.and then again (i know) better again but the past few months (over half a year) ive been having really down feelings a lot of the time.ive been sucidal for blocks of between 2-3hours to weeks.and in between weeks where im fine again ,everythings normal.there has been a large number of occasions where im just fed up with everything and am actually going to do it,attempt it and realise half way through that im not even strong enough to do that and end up cryin myself to sleep jus hopin
g i wont wake up. now i live at home and my parents dont know about these moods for the past 6-9 months. i really dont know how to tell them at all. theyre as helpful/friendly as can be but id jus feel like im letting them down so much because they always say how proud they are of me for gettin better.i go to a psychiatrist tryin to hint and tell him about all this but of course he's oblivious to it all and i only see him every 6months(this is a free service).

so what i really want advice is what to do?im stuck i have friends but i dont feel i can talk to them and theyve said they dont feel they can talk to me properly about this stuff either.i really need someone to point me in the right direction.
really any advice or comments really would be nice.
thanks if you read all that
carriexo