yes..get ahold of your local mental health agency.they should be able to hook you up with someone to talk to and the fee would go according to what you could afford....you have dealt with so much in your 20 yrs.....but you can have a long wonderful life ahead of you...also....come here to the forums...people will talk with you.....listen and offer any advice they can......and if those suicidal thoughts get to be too much....call a hotline......you need help and its out there for you......all the wonderful folks here will help you too...hang in there......