Since I have become addicted to pc I have to post this. But please don't worry about me. If I make just one more person feel bad I should just stop living right now! So don't worry. I'll probably get out of this somehow. I just need to vent. By now I've become to know that these really bad moods eventually pass.

Today I feel like the biggest looser of the world. My family's financial situation is going down the drain and I can't seem to get off my *** and do something about it.
Sometimes it's hard to forgive myself for being depressed or avoidant.
I just feel like a coward and a lazy person. I don't know what to do. I hate myself for this. I can't help them when they need me. I am young, healthy and smart. And my mum has to support me right now.
I do web design on my own but depression has been interfering with it a lot lately since I am not able to work properly. I get paid when I finish the job so right now I'm struggling to finish a project. But it's not a steady job. I'm a freelancer and I don't know when I'll get the next project. Every source of income our family had has become to die out in the past year or so.
I hate myself for not being able to leave this damn house and find a proper job until this blows over. I love designing but I would rather be doing some crappy job and support my family! And yet I just sit inside my room. Or complain to my friends. How can I be so damn worthless??!
Why am I not like everyone else? Why even the slightest set back throws me into a full blow depression. I always back down, feel insecure, feel I am not capable of doing anything, feel so scared. I am tired of being this weak.
My mum has a stupid job that takes a lot out of her. She's 51, I'm 25. I'm supposed to help her. I can't even take care of her when she gets home. I'm a selfish idiot. I just wish I could die. But because it's too hard to live. Again I'm trying to quit.
I don't know what is going to happen if I can't snap out of this. My dad has been unemployed for a few months(not sure how many) and he hasn't been able to find a new job. He goes to all this interviews while his looser daughter stays at home on her computer.
If I would be working everyday on sites and stuff it would be ok. But there are days when I don't do anything but play some game.
My mum is the only one who has a paycheck right now. She was talking to me about how she hates her current job but she can't quit it 'cause then we wouldn't have any money. And at the beginning of the next month if she doesn't quit she'll have to sign a one year contract or even longer (not sure). She comes home so tired and "brain dead" from work. If she has do to do this work for a whole year how I could I ever forgive myself?
And I felt like dying. I fell so guilty. I'm supposed to be in her place. I want to take care of them. I am so useless. Such a screw up.
After talking to her I went to my room and did what? Watch some anime episodes!!! How can I be so out of it. So stupid. So lazy. So ****ing unrealistic!
I'm tired of finding excuses for myself. Oh I can't work today, I'm in a low mood! I hate me today so much! I wish I could kick my ***. How am I going to get my family out of this? Sometimes I'm not even able to care for myself!
I have very low coping skills. Life's little troubles bring me down. I hate all these things about me. I don't want to be like this anymore. God if there's a god out there somewhere please help me! My family needs me. I don't want to let them down like I always do.
So let's say things are headed for desperate town. So what do I do again? I start to cry and write this sappy post instead of working on the site I have to finish. GOD DAMN IT!! I am a complete looser. I don't ****ing deserve this family, this life, my friends. I should just slap myself and go to work! I am a complete moron.

This is so stupid. I remember saying on this site somewhere that we all deserve good things(and actually believing it)! Right now I feel like I don't deserve anything! How can I be so contradictory?