My life is empty, last night I went to go and visit the love of my life with sum friends, but before that one of my friends told me what he now says was a joke, that Brenda was together with the person I suspect of telling her all the lies about me, on top of that I was feeling really crap, then I did sumthing that I shouldn't of I took drugs, and that made it even worse because all the feelings and thoughts I had before where right there in my mind, all I wanted to do was hurt the guy so bad in ways that he couldn't even imagine, but I restrained myself, she tried to talk to me about what was wrong but I couldn't, all I did was try and change the subject the whole time now I know it was the drugs, it allways is, on top of all this she didn't even really speak to me last night, she spoke to every1 else but avoided me most of the night, I am so lost that i don't know what to do anymore I love her with all my geart and I couldn't bear life without her, I should give her a call and try to explain everything but I am so afraid of what she might say, I love her so much that it hurts to be apart from her and its even worse when I'm around her, I know I %#@&#! up with her and I wish I could take it all back but I can't, I just love her so much, plus my sister was involved in a car accident, she is all right though, but the problem is she was drunk and she was with another guy, and she is married to a great guy, she has two kids, the one is about 11 and the other is 7 and the 11yr old is an emotional wreck he suffers from anxiety and a whole lot of stress and the 7yr old is add and my brother in law wants nothing to do with my sister any more because of what happened, I just feel that my whole world is breaking up around me and I'm really %#@&#! up right now and I just don't know what to do any more, all i want to do is drink and take drugs so much, and i know I mustn't and I won't but life is just getting so hard for that I feel so lost in this world, i feel its not worth the effort any more