Making an appt with a doctor sounds like a great idea. Print out your posts and take them with you, as you are good at describing how you feel. Bear in mind that you could go to a hospital if the doctor believes that you would follow through with your suicidal ideas or if you have made a plan to do so. But you should not feel guilty for having these or other depressed feelings. Realize that feeling guilty is just another symptom of depression or of the depressed portion of your mood disorder. There are hotline #'s at the top of the depression board, in the event that you should feel in danger from the thoughts of harming yourself. Please use them. Keep posting here, and you will find excellent support, understanding friends, and good information. billieJ