My Support Forums - View Single Post - Am i a lazy coward for not wanting to work?

Berries · 08:21 AM

I can't work right now. I wear gloves about 90% of the time. 100% when I am out in public. And being in close proximity with other people disgusts me. I can't use public restrooms.

But if all of that went away. I still wouldn't want to go to work. This is what has happened in the past: I would be afraid of my coworkers, constantly comparing myself to them & coming up short, not saying a word in a gathering or talking my head off about stuff I know little about to individuals...I would only be able to do one thing at a time, while they could handle a number of tasks...I would forget tasks... and be too ashamed to ask for help...
If I got really depressed it would affect the quality of my work. If I was hypomanic I would produce like crazy, but then the crash into depression and therefore lower quality of work would confuse and possibly get me fired. If I got truly manic and delusional, I would have to quit cuz I'd be put in the hospital.

But am I just being lazy and a coward? Or am I truly debilitated enough to be on disability not counting the OCD?

I have two volunteer jobs that I am hoping to do when/if I can touch things again. And I'd like to take some classes.

I just feel so worthless because I don’t have a career and don’t see ever having one.

Also, I don't have a family--no parnter, no kids... and never will.

Am I just a waste of space?