Hi everybody. I am more grateful for your kind words than I could ever express! Thank you so very much.

I have to say that while pc time was 05.22 PM, my time was about 01.22 at night. The only response I read before going to bed was ADHD1956's and it was actually the reason I went to bed. It was a tough night for me but I just kept thinking that the sooner I go to sleep the sooner I can start work in the morning. On these kind of nights I just can't sleep and have to "distract" myself for a really long time before I finally feel exhausted enough to just drop dead on my bed. Last night I had to face my fears instead of trying to forget about it and try to go to sleep without the numbing ritual.

I managed to wake up in the morning about 9 or 10 am. I opened the computer and went to pc again. Where all your posts made me cry. But in a good way. They gave me the strength I needed to just work and not complain. So read those, logged of pc immediately and started work. In the end there wasn't that much left to do for today since I had actually done a lot of the work on Friday, but I was feeling too overwhelmed to see it. So basically I was freaking out over something rather stupid. I think the main thing that sent me into that black hole was the realization that my mum needs me. We were raised to think that we should always take care of each other. I don't care that they are adults that can manage their own life. I want to give back everything they gave and even more. It doesn't matter if I have to or not I just feel this way about them.
It still bothers me that right now I'm not sure I can, but compared to last night I am feeling better. At least my work doesn't seem so scary and I'm trying to tell my self that I can do anything.

Again, thank you to everyone. I think your posts(all of them ) have helped me overcome this so much faster that I would usually do. Thanks to you I am less fearful today and I'm beginning to get some hope for the future.