Hi, Berries! A few quick observations:

• Based on reading your posts over time, I have to conclude the collection of effects of your illnesses severely affect your “activities of daily living,” preventing you from participating in normal “unsupported” employment (there's such a thing as “supported employment” in the American disability system, but that's another subject).
• Consequently, you are “debilitated enough to be on disability....”
• Though you say you do not want to work, it seems you want to want to work otherwise you would not be aiming for those volunteer jobs and classes, possibly as stepping stones to greater social functionality.

Feelings of worthlessness torment many of us here, including me. My real – not rhetorical – question for you is: from where are these questions coming, “Am I a lazy coward?” and “Am I just a waste of space?” Who or what is broadcasting to you values that lead to these questions/conclusions about yourself?
I can relate... “The horror, the horror...!”