((((tryingtobeme))))) Right now you're a walking ball of psychic pain, so so you feel. I have some questions to fire back at you. Why DO you keep going? This is not meant as a put down, but an honest question. All of us have something that keeps driving us onward and keeps us anchored here. For some it can be work, for others, fear, for others, hope. I have three things that keep me trudging on. One is my family, hubby and kids. The other is my God, in various meanings that can be understood in. The last is simply my own innate cussedness: I don't want the ba"#¤%& to win. Purely out of principle. It's a personal thing, you might say. I want to dance on D's grave.

I really do want to hear your thoughts, because that way I can hear that you know this is not coming from you. You know it's depression, and you know that he's lying. Put everything he tells you to the test; why should your therapist leave you? Has he/she expressed disgust, impatience, etc with you? take it up with T. Double check. Why do you post? to reach out. Do we really not give a crap? How much is a crap worth? In my book, I probably care much more than that, but it's a unit of currency I don't habitually use. I'd say, your posting has actually been succesfull.
I know I sound like the b"#¤% from H"#¤ but I really do know you are hurting. It screams out between every line you write. I think it is very important to confront those thoughts, though, as those lies can be very convincing and very dangerous. Every human, including you comes into this world with an inmeasurable worth invested in them that you basically would have to be a mass murderer to negate. I think that makes you worth a great deal. Certainly worth sparring black thoughts over Keep posting.