First I wouldlike to thank all of you for responding. And please continue to do so. And I think that most of you have a good understanding as to what was going on. heidu -- you said something powerful. Am I in t Love with the idea of being with her? that is a good question. My biggest problems with her were
1. Bursts of anger - throwing fits like a child when ever or where ever we were. Then she would say that it is not her, meaning like her in order to blame me for her actions.
2. Blaming --- I blamed her a bit much also but everything was my fault in the end.
3. feeling bad for no reason -- I noticed in reading some of her old journal before I left that she has had similar situations where she would get angry or disappointed about certain things because she didn't recieve the attention that another man was giving his wife at a gathering.
4. Sex - I adored making Love to her but because fearful of getting too close and our sex life slowed greatly. She scared me a couple times with sudden bursts of anger again screaming and crying "I need it I need it" for sex. I don't beleive she is a nympho but she scared me. Also the fact that she has anger outbursts made me not want to make love.

I talk to her again today. She has been feeling very guilty about what she's done and keeps saying she wants to get her life right with God. As you know she was a lay-minister at her church when we met. She explained to me again that she is fearful of me because of what she did and how wrong she was. She even stated that she wished that she could make things right again. She even admitted to blaming me for too many things. She says she wants me but she has to get her life right with God again first. In some ways she says she just wants to say good bye but I don't think she really can. She says I really miss you. And all these things. But then again she says she is still upset with me. My life went straight down hill with her because of the controlling ways. But I am trying to peice things together. She has finally seen the guys true colors that she met online and is realizing more and more what she has done. I beleive he has moved on and she began calling him things like a womanizer and even told me she trusts me more than she does his. But she won't explain. I think its out of embarassment. Movin back to Detroit was a bad move for her. She comes from an anger filled family and is now staying with her sister and her sisters boyfriend. One of her brothers was shot and killed at age 19 for trying to rob a Taxi cab driver with a fake gun. She has several family members who are dead due to drug use. Her mother died when she was 4 years old over drugs. She has a 16 year old cousin who hasn't been to school in 3 years. And another cousin who broke the windows on their grand mothers house. It was crazy. But she is the kind of woman you can work with, go to school with, etc for years and think she is the most peaceful and sweetest woman alive. No one in her family is that sweet. But she is very Naive and she knows it so she is affraid of people especially men that take advantage of her. At this point it is still very difficult for me to let go because of that sweet woman that I know and Loved so dearly. Thats the woman I fell in Love with. She says she is not going to get help because she does not have the money. But when she was going she would go for help in our relationship. She would tell the counselor she was unhappy with me because I did everything wrong and it made her miserable. The counsellors would say then leave the relationship. But yes that makes sense. So now that there is no one else in her life she wants to go back to God. And beleives God will take care of everything. I beleive in God also but if I know I am ill I will go see a doctor, thats why God put them here. I guess I really do Love her but I cannot accept all of her.