hi gp22, welcome to pc!

I think it's great that you've been going to the crisis centre. If things are getting bad again, then I really hope that you go back. It's an incredibly healthy step to take.

Not everyone is going to understand depression. In fact, the majority of people don't. I know how hard it can be trying to explain that "bucking up" doesn't actually work. Once I got so frustrated by someone telling me that I just wasn't trying hard enough to be happy that I yelled, "Do you think I WANT to be like this?!" It's VERY hard not to just snap when people say things like that. Try to remember that most people aren't professionals, or even remotely informed about depression or mental illness in general and have no idea how it works. If you keep getting the "think happy thoughts" reaction, then it might be worth turning your attention elsewhere in terms of talking about your feelings. The crisis centre is a good place, because the people there are professionals and know that depression has nothing to do with will power or personal weakness. Also know that here at PC nobody is going to tell you to "buck up" -- most of us have heard that enough to share your frustration at it, and we understand firsthand that it's a lot more difficult than that. Feel free to vent away, you'll find the support and understanding here are amazing.